Sometimes I wake and lay in bed, wondering what reason I have to get up and if it’s stronger than the pull to stay under the covers and close my eyes and pretend everything that’s happened, hasn’t. The world keeps spinning whether or not I want it to and everything goes on, with or without me.
What did I do wrong?
I was relieved when you took my silence as your cue to come over. Tears were streaming down my face but I cleaned up for you, attempting to stay strong when all I wanted was to fall and collapse into your arms, hoping you’d be able to carry my weight without sinking.
I bit my tongue so the tears wouldn’t flow, as your words poured down on me and I grew heavier and heavier, emptier and emptier.
Another boy, another string of lies and empty promises. A blur of memories resurfaced.
The last thing I ever want to do is to hurt you.
I’m falling in love with you.
And when you spoke those words, I thought you saw my heart, the piece of me that glows. I never realized your words were hollow, empty, meaningless. Stumbling in the light instead of the dark, I should have realized you were never sober.
Then you told me I was beautiful.
My tears flowed as I collapsed on the bed, too weak to do anything else.